Trust your path

Have you ever been walking through life feeling confident and cool when you see your neighbor doing something different and immediately wonder if you’re doing everything wrong?

Yeah, me neither. 

Comparison really isn’t helpful when it comes to life. There’s so much variety in each of us from our desires, plans, background, healing journey, etc. It makes no sense to compare ourselves to each other, but we still do it.

When I left the United States in 2021 to travel, I had no idea that everything about me would change. My life before and after travel is like night and day. I used to have some ideas about how my life would go. I thought I’d have my first child at 25. I never expected to have a great partner (I assumed I’d have to settle). I thought I’d be a teacher at the same school for 25+ years and that I’d be fulfilled by that.

If you would’ve have asked me at 20 where I thought I’d be at 30, I would've said something generic about being a teacher, having a husband and kids, a house... I thought I wanted a normal life.

Now that I’m 30, I realize how inaccurate that was.

Comparison

When I am with myself, I feel calm and secure. I like the life I’m living. I like the person I am. I love the things I’m doing. Even though I’m quite satisfied and fulfilled, sometimes, I think I’m doing it wrong. When I see Victoria getting her PhD, I wonder why I wasn’t able to stay in academia. When I see Eliot’s townhouse, decorated with carpets, art, instruments, and knickknacks from various countries he’s visited, I wonder why I haven’t created a home for myself. When I see woman after woman announce their pregnancies with enthusiasm and joy and then give birth, I wonder why I haven’t been invited into the mom club yet…

The first thing to note about comparison is that regardless of what people post on social media or what you perceive their lives to be, you’re wrong. We have no idea what that person is actually feeling or experiencing. We don’t know how hard they work or how well they sleep at night. Sometimes, we fantasize about lives outside of our own. We put them on a pedestal, but these fantasies don’t have any real substance. We can’t feel them. 

For example, a lot of people fantasize about being a traveler. They imagine exotic places, great food, cultural experiences, and so much more. They imagine being on a vacation forever, but this is far from the whole truth. One, you get bored. Two, you run out of money. Three, it’s exhausting and decision fatigue is real. Four, it’s hard to make friends. Not to say that traveling isn't also great, but there's a lot that goes into it. So even if someone you know is posting pictures from here, there, and everywhere, that doesn’t accurately represent all of the back-matter it took to make that photo possible. 

Letting Go 

Recently, I had my first pregnancy which ended in a miscarriage. Prior to discovering that I was pregnant, I realized that my priorities had changed. Everyone always talks about the ticking clock in a woman’s uterus. Everyone puts pressure on women about children. It’s bullshit.

Before I knew I was pregnant, I was reflecting on how much fun I was having as a childless person in the world. I realized that actually, I wouldn't mind having more time to be with myself and space to establish a fulfilling connection with someone else. Even though I just turned 30 and am technically late and “the clock is ticking,” all of a sudden, everything inside of me slowed down. I'm not in a rush anymore.

Trusting the path

We’re all sold this lie about planning that makes us believe in predictability. The truth is, nothing is ever known. Letting go of expectations frees us up to play with life and not be devastated when things inevitably shift away from our original desires. I’ve started trusting my path more mostly because it always shows up for me. 

When I don’t get something I thought that I wanted, I’m often presented with a better alternative that I didn’t know existed. Life is always working for me. Falling in love has elevated this trust. I didn’t think I’d find this. I mean… I hoped and I tried to be patient, but to actually be here? It took years.

I think attachment is what gets in our way of embracing the flow. When we surrender, usually, our dreams are satisfied much faster and with less effort. Sometimes, when we don’t get what we want, we spiral into self-pity. We ask what’s wrong with us and try to force something that clearly isn’t opening up. (At least, I did). That further creates a negative experience and suffering. That’s not to say that we should be happy when things are hard, but by letting go and trusting the path, moving through those challenges is simpler. Also, it opens our eyes to see other potentialities that we were blind to when we focused our vision on one outcome. 

Ultimately, practicing acceptance is the key. Accept all the emotions/ sensations in your body. Accept the reality of the situation. Accept your limitations. Accept your strengths. Trust that life is working for you.

Final thoughts

We can’t control most things, but we can try to be honest with ourselves. While processing the miscarriage, I was filled with conflicting emotions of guilt, shame, and relief. I will be so happy to be a mom AND I am also quite happy to not be pregnant. So even when my hormones are a mess and prompt me to cry at another woman’s baby announcement, I just sit with the emotions until they pass. And when they pass, I remind myself of the honest truth: I wouldn’t choose that path for myself right now.

I know where I want to go and am making intentional steps in that direction. I trust myself (and life) to get me there. By waiting for the right time with a peaceful heart and a present perspective, stepping into an opportunity becomes an easy and effortless yes- at least, that’s been true for me so far.

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Alright reader, that’s it for this one. As always, thank you for reading my work! If you feel like you’re getting value from my content and would like to support my craft, you can offer a donation at Buy Me a Coffee or consider subscribing for more, exclusive, content. Thanks for your love and support. Cheers to a healthy humanity!